...He is gone.


My phone is full of texts saying things like, "I love you more than anything in the world.", "you are the most beautiful person I will ever know" and "I will love you until I take my last dying breath". All of a sudden, I get a text that screws up the whole balance of messages that made my heart flutter like a hummingbird's wings.

That's right. I was broken up with. Not even face to face, and I didn't even get an explanation.

I really thought... that Aryel was the one. It may sound lame, but he said he loved me so much, and he held me like it was something real... Now I wonder if he was just lying to me the whole time, or if he's just bipolar and suddenly found someone else and dumped me as quickly as he could. I wish he had given me an explanation. That way I could have a calm conscience about it, and know that I can't do anything about it. But... I just can't help and think that it's all my fault. Every relationship I get near turns bad; it's like a King Midas effect or something. I don't understand... and I wish I could more than anything.

But truly, I just feel like someone's reached in and yanked my heart right out of my chest. No matter what I do, that feeling just stays there, and I can't get it to go away... I keep flashing back to when he would hold me, and how it felt.. I don't know. Maybe I'm delusional, maybe I'm just boy crazy. I'd like to think that it's him, that it's all his fault... But I just can't shake the feeling that it's me.



EDIT

What the hell...

Again, another text... "Babe i know i'm probably the last person you want to hear from right now. I just want to let you know that it won't be like this forever. It's as hard as me as it is for you. I love and adore you. And I will come back and hold you in my arms again. I promise."

I want to believe every single word he says... I want to run back to him and feel him hold me again.. But I just can't. I can't trust him anymore, not after all the sweet things he said to me.. then he tore my heart out... and now he says he's coming back - but not now?

And of course, the inevitable question is still there - WHY?
Why is he torturing me like this?
Why did he break up with me, only to tell me that he loves me again the next day?
Why can't I stop crying?
Why do I want to believe him?
Why do I still want him back...? Why am I that stupid..?

There's more questions. But if I tried to list them all, they'd take up the whole universe. I just want answers... and the truth... But I doubt I'm going to get those very easily.